Well, we made it. We made it through the first year without mama. Her presence is still felt, though. I still expect her to come around the corner when I'm at Daddy's house.
In my mind, I've written this post about a hundred times. This past year is hard to put into words.
Mama picked a perfect day to go home: it was an exceptionally cool day for July: sunny, not a cloud in the sky. Why is it that it seems like things that rip your heart out happen on beautiful days?
We made it through Daddy's birthday, their anniversary, Christmas/Mama's birthday, Easter, Mother's Day, and all of our birthdays. On our birthdays, Mama & Daddy would call us and sing "Happy Birthday". One of my sisters said that a friend called her on her birthday and sang the song, not knowing about them serenading us on our day.
I hear her voice during Mass. During Daily Mass, she's really missed when the priest picks a difficult song, or a song that nobody knows. (There is no piano or organ at early daily Mass.)
I've had 3 dreams about Mama this year. Each time she talked to me/us. It's still so incredibly hard to know that she's really gone. The hole in my heart is still there; I think it will always be there. There are days when I feel it stronger than others, but it's there every day.